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i guess it's like i never existed..
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FUCK YOU ALL, ITS MY MOTHAFUCKIN' BIRFDAY!!!
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Lately I've been trying to adjust to this new "life". The so called wonderful single life...I mean im not miserable all the time, i just miss the comforted feeling of having that particular person there for you unconditionally.
Me and david have decided to call it quits..and honestly i think its permanent. I love this little ball of crazy more than anyone and i hope this is the right decicison for both of our sakes. I duno, inside i still hope hope hope that we work things out and come to our senses! I still see him, which probally doesnt help..but i can't help it. Hes the only person out there that can make me go from -675 below shit feeling, to a whopping +18763876329823 wonderous feeling in millaseconds. I think i really will love him forever, or at least i will remember him forever. Hes the kind of person who will stay in my heart through every relationship.
i dont even wanna get into that...i couldnt even think of being with somebody else..its like i want to fast foward time. get us back together and live happily ever after! I wish there wasnt so much bullshit between us, when we dont fight we have the most perfect relationship. But when we do fight...its fucking war. we have this weird extreme relationship. There is no happy medium whatsoever. were either happy, or pist at one another.
But i guess reguardless of it all, i love him more than anything. We fight, over stupid shit...it's just what we do..and i wish that was accepted. I know i could better myself for him in more ways than one..so maybe some time with ourselves can be good. I just hope to never loose him <3
onto non depressing things, schools fucking gay. its like im not motivated to go at all. Now that its finaly that im going to drexel all i can do is focus on that time period. I cant even get up to go to class anymore. ive already missed 3 of each class...so hopefully shitbag excuses will work somehow.
i finally got my job back, at a different store this time. a bigger better and friendlier one at that. Im real happy with that, i dont think ill hate my job anymore.
colleen should be swinging on by tonight to visit me, i told my moms id watch my little sis this evening so she could go to some club with my dad, i swear they are swingers. or just freaks.
<3
my birfday is tuesday the 7th. the big 2-0...wooooooo! how exciting....too bad its the same as turning 19. i feel like im repeting last year.
my ink appt is next sunday with danny, thats going to be a great day. i love having the hookup son.
and spring is on the looose. fuck yes. i pray for no more snow.
peace n love buckets.
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Monday, February 13th, 2006
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you ever just get to this point in life when youre tired of everything? or that you just have absolutely no joy in life..its weird how everything can turn from horray great, to i dont give a shit life is terrible.
I feel like my whole world is crashing down right before my eyes.
I wish i could turn back time..in the words of cher. I really honestly do, everything was so much more simplier..things just fit together perfectly with no flaws. I hate when things are out of order, and not justified.
I got fired from my job, mind you i've been working there for about 3 years..and they had to "let me go",over a very stupid situation.
My boyfriend, or whatever he is..is living in a completely different world than i am. I dont even think we see alike anymore, on anything. I feel like im holding on to him..and making him stay with me. Thats probally not even the case but for some reason i have this gut-instinct that it just might be. I hate the feeling of failure. I really feel like i failed being a good girlfriend..i thought i was for sooo long, maybe i was in denial or somthing. Im one of those people who will for some odd reason point out everything i do that is great...especially when it comes to me doing somthing for somebody else..i guess im not the altrustic person i thought i was..it's like i think i deserve a reward everytime i do somthing good for someone else..and if it doesnt happen than that person sucks.
i dont know.
i think i could be loosing it. I need out, i need to go to philadelphia asap. I need to start my own life, from scratch.
FUCK!
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Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
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i hate when i get so bored on the internet that i resort to this thing. I dont really have anything to write about to be honest, im just really into typing on the keyboard..
well lately shits been great, school is finally becoming a whole. For the past 3 weeks ive been thrown around into different classes dropping, and adding classes, and hating psych teachers that give out 100 question tests on the first class meeting. Finally, shits normal.
David and i are wonderful, we have been having so much fun lately. It's like we can finally hang out and be friendly to one another. I now start to see him more than just my boyfriend. Its sort of backwards because youd think youre lover is supposed to be youre friends first..but with us its the opposite. Its fucking kool too because he doesnt play daddy with me anymore..we do what we want, when we want. even sometimes together. Its great, i love that kid and i love learning more and more about him and our relationship everyday. Valentines day should be fantabulous also..he'll have some mun, i'll have some mun..i say fucking medievil times. That would be great, get everyone to go and have a feast in a dungeon like castle.
fuckkkk im bored, work at 3...that place will be the death of me.
loves
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Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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What the fuck, its like everything is in its place right now. I dont know how this happened, but everything that was shitty a little while ago turned itself right the fuck around and became perfect.
I was convinced i had to start over, and end a lot of things in my life but it somehow all came together.
David and i are somehow really happy. WE've just been hanging out and not fighting, not even a little bit. Maybe we both realized whats more important..fighting never solves anything but we both like to be in control, and always be right...i think its time that we come out of that narrow-mindedness and just be happy we have one another.
I got into drexel for real, well i knew id get in but it just wasnt official yet. Im moving to philly in august, have my eyes on an apartment already, right in university city.
Im getting a fucking scholarship for like 10,000 for good grades at b-yale. haha who would have thought id be getting a scholarship for fucking acedemics. Then again brookdale is easy as fuck, probally easier than when i was in catholic grammer school.
Ive been exercising more lately too, getting more energy for the day...not waking up at 1 or 2 anymore. Today me and amy are gonna go walk the resivour, can you believe its 57 de-fuckinggrees outside? That calls for a fucking joint. fuck that, a blunt...walk the resivour and smoke a blunt. Probally not the best idea but i know it will happen.
So today i going up to Newark to hang with erika. Me amy and colleen are going to see what the fuck that girl does in gangsta city. She wants us to go to a club with her, but i dont know how clubish i can be. Just as long as no blacks try to dance up on me. Just a night with the girls, we'll all dance with eachtoher. Than again that probally draws more attention. four hott chicks dancing with eachother? every blackie is going to turn his head in our direction.
haha im so fucking politically incorrect. Nigger!
I hope i go to the hookah bar this weekend. Me n krista always try n make plans for it but shit always falls apart. Im glad her n adam are together now, its kinda crazy that i hooked them 2 up, and that it actually worked. Damn, i really am that good.
i think i need to go theiving today.
I love not having money, ever anymore.
But im glad my man got his 28$/hr job, fuck yes were going out to classy restuarants n shit now.
okay, im gonna go get myself a shower.
nice update fucks.
peace n love.
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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school is finally done. I think everyone was anticipating some sort of break, it was so stressfull this semester for some reason. I thought it was going to fly by, being my second year at the good ol' brookyale. But was i wrong. This semester lasted a lifetime, and it was shit to say the least.
I saw most of my grades, and they all look pretty dandy with the exception of communications. I heard that fuck failed 13 out of 18 kids in the class. Shouldnt that tell you somthing as a professor? You must be doing somthing outlandish to have more than half of youre class be failures.
But, i dont give a fuck anyway. I found out that class wouldnt have transferred to Drexel afterall, so it would have been a waste of money to begin with.
Other than that, my gpa is still in the mid 3 area..so im pretty content, and satisfied with that crap.
So lately ive been having a good time. I've been showing my face around more often, and hanging out with everyone. I guess wherever theres a good party, i will probally migrate too. Reguardless the type of people. Im just out to have a good time as of lately. I dont want to meet anyone new, or make friends, or even meet guys. I just like to drink, smoke, and have a good laugh every now and then. I went to Kyles last night, it was so-so. I was too fucked up when i got there, so i think it ruined it a bit for me. I mostly hung out with katie, i really love that girl. We always have somthing thats going on at the same time in our lives, and im glad shes been around lately.
I cant believe Christmas is around the fucking corner, literally. I've bought david more gifts than a 3 yr old would expect to get on the holidays. I dont know what got into me, i kept seeing things i thought he'd love and give in.
I got my chanel earrings though, so i guess he deserves a good gift this year. he deffinitly makes up for being an asshole sometimes with those earrings. Damn, i hate when the man in youre life knows youre weak spot.
I asked for simply one thing this year from the rents. I want a down comforter, and down pillows. I've always wanted one, but never really asked. I figure im moving out soon anyway, so a new bed-set would benefit me in more ways than one.
I have work tonight, shitty as hell. But amy and i are having a fucking slumber party tonight. We know both of our lame-o asses wont get up early enough tomorrow morning to go to the flea market on-time so i guess of were together one of us will awaken. I hope somthing fun is going on tonight. There is this awesome tribute show for cream, the doors, and the doobie bros. in philly. I wish i didnt have work, that would be so much fun. Gettin' wasted and listen to some good music. Even though we will probally end up with gary..but thats just as equally fun, get high then go get some beef.
ew, that sounded terrible.
i cant fucking wait for philly man, ive already checked out apartments and what not. Im deciding if i should live on my own, or find a roomate. I would love to live on my own but i know it will get lonely real fast. I wish someone would move in with me. I wish amy didnt want to move to fucking virgina. Shes probally the only person i could stand living with.
even thought our place would reak like havoc, and never be organized. But, it would be an adventure.
I went to see Howard sterns last day last week. That was a fucking mess, it was so rainy and cold int he city, and we all had to fucking stand outside for at least 8 hours. We were supposed to get into scores..some kid we were with knew the bouncer and blah blah, so on and so fourth...but of course that got fucked. didint work out. So we find some other bars...get lost..and at this point im pissed. Im cold, and wet..and all i want is to get wasted and see Howard.
me and amy decide to scavange some burrs from the deli place. It somehow worked out fantastic...i think we got away with 6 beers in all that night. fucking bandits we are.
then we met up with rick and gary and tried to get wristbands, but of course they had none left. So we waited, thinking we could still get in the crowd that was all up close and shit..but it took to long.
i think at about 7 we called it quits and headed home.
it was a fun night though, i met some crazy people. smoked weed with some spanish guy from harlem...with no teeth.
Fuck work, its already time to get ready.
nice update niggas.
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Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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well its been a long time since i got around to this thing.
things have been pretty good as of lates. I've just been doing my thing, working and school for the most part.
Ive been hanging out with adam a lot lately, its good cause we always find somthing to do.
Im also glad ive been seeing amy almost everyday of the week as well, i think we both needed eachother for a while.
Brookdale has been pretty lame-o, i cant wait for it to end. I need philly as bad as i need some sanity right now.
So i had this party a couple weeks ago when the family all went away. it turned out pretty awesome, i cant beleive the people that showed tho, it made my night. Good times, till it got broken up. but that happens to all the best parties doesnt it?
Me and krista have been going on all sorts of awesome adventures lately, we have such a good time, everytime. That girl is awesome, i feel like weve known eachother forever.
So david and i still remain close friends. or whatever we are. its like i want us to part for a while, cause i know its good. but its immpossible, or im just a pussy. then again i still think that i want us to be together, but its pointless when it comes down to it.
Well, ill just give it time..
fucking rock out.
im already excited for saves the day on the 17th.
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Monday, November 7th, 2005
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shit has been weird as hell lately.
secrets not out just yet.
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Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
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So life is not so bad at the moment. Things with the man and i have been somehow spectacular. Its like those beginning butterflys again, there is still a crazy spark between us. It was just stuck underneath all the fighting, and bickering, and jealousy. I knew we would be able to overcome hard times, it just took a while. I think we both realized that if things kept going the way they were, it was going to end. Not from one person to the other, from both of us not taking the BS anymore. Im glad we pulled our shit together and realized the crazy little love weve got is more important then petty, jealous, catty fighting.
all in all i love david a whole damn lot, and i know he loves me, were just different, and to make us work we need to work.
So this coming friday i was going to go to some art show with david in montclaire, but i've come to the conclusion that he would have more fun with his friends doing that, and i would have more fun in philly visiting my love colleen. Me and krista apples and i think amy are gonna take one hell of a road trip and get kristin up at her aunts house then go back down to philla u. Fuck were going to have a great time, i cant wait. i fucking love my friends, they are more fun than youll ever be. ;)
haha i had so much fun the other night. Sean stever heard i was having a bad day so he picked me up a liter of jack as a pitty party gift. Then me amy, sean, sean skull, kristin and josh headed over to ricks house for a little get together. I got completely anhiliated and had a grand old time with some old friends. I made t-bird steal a cat necklace with some diamonds on it. that shit was bling, i still have it and wear it. fucking rico that crazy man he is ended up walking home by himself because he didnt feel like waiting. that had to be a good 5-6 miles in the fucking cold. but hes sean.
so ive been hanging out with krista apples a lot, and i fucking love this girl. we have such a good time when were together. She reminds me of me a long time ago, but a lot smarter..haha shes awesome and i love her, im glad we became such good friends. and the fact that we work together is ungodly, and she always leaves her cds in my car so im always listening to somthing new.
last night, me and kristin went to 7-11 on the way home, we get our burritos and our slurpees, and go to the counter to pay. so i pull out my debit and swipe it through the little machine. of course, fucking fucking luck it doesnt work and i cant even take out money cause i only have like 30 in there and the mac at 711 will only let you take out 20, whick only leaves me with 10 in there..and thats just unnacceptable.
so this fucking dude, achmed or whatever his name was made me wait around..the machine still didint work so he told me to pay tomorrow..he hands me this reciept with alla alla writing on it and tells me to bring it back tomorrow at 11am sharp with my money.
i smiled and said absolutely.
fuck no, i got myself a free burrito and a slurpee.
so for the next couple days im stuck buying shit at wawa. until they forget my face.
alright well this has gone on for way too long, its time for me to get dressed and go to school.
FUCK SCHOOL PHILLY HERE I COME.
<3 NUGS.
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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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might have to take back that last entry.
why do you always find the perfect ways to make it all up..?
flowers balloons and surprises are my weaknesses apparently.
+picnic tomorrow at the garden
+however many games of pool i want.
+youre so smoking me up...hard as hell.
+and a pack of stoges.
as much as i hate you, i fucking love you cunt.
love,
me
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Friday, September 23rd, 2005
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fridays are supposed to be the best day ever arent they? Why do my fridays always suck. I have no class, so the morning is always dull and no ones ever around. I want to go longboarding today, or at least i wanted to but nobody was into waking up before 1.
I have work at 4 today, which is weird as hell. I never work on fridays. But the money is needed right now so i should not be complaining.
On another note. I went to NY yesterday with dave and his friend rob for a kidrobot party. It was actually lame as hell, except for the dude with the gold teeth and pink shoes.
im pshyced as hell for drexel. I know its sort of far away, but a year comes quicker than one thinks. I cant wait, hopefully ill be with colleen maybe even live with her, that would roooooooool big time. David should go to art school in philly and we could find a cheap ass apartment. that would be sick as hell.
now my imagination is bigger than youre dick.
anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i cant stop shoppingggggggggggggggggg i need to cut up my plastic fo real. I went into french connec. yesterday and had to much fun. then michael k and it was just so much at once, i feel so pressured, when i want all these things so i give in way too easily.
and then of course i have to dree up my man, but thats an acception, hes got to look good.
so work is lame and i have it at 4, i dont want to go.
i hate working.
sleepover tonight after work, then flea market tomorrow morn.
fuck yeah.
i wanna get wasted.
maybe ill talk him into buying me some breakfast.
its only a must for such an early day, and how could he resist me. seriously...
or not.
well im fucking tired of this thing.
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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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......so im going to greece for 2 weeks.
btw im going with my best friend.
be jealous.
more updates when theres more info.
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Sunday, September 4th, 2005
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up up up and up
im excited for school? It's a weird and unfamiliar feeling, but its happening. I just want to get out of there as fast as i can, well with good grades too of course. I know its closer and closer until i go to philly, im just disciplining myself.This year at the awesomely exciting brookdale will hopefully be a lot better. I met a lot more people than i did last semester so i'll finally have somthing to do between classes.
I saw that movie skeleton key tonight. It actually was not that bad. I took my cousin out and about. The plot was pretty meaty. The ending was sort of flakey, but it got to me in a cute warm kind of way..???
So lately things have been okay. Considering colleen, and kristin have both been gone for a week now. It's absolutely frightening without them here everyday, but it was going to happen weather i liked it or not. Im glad amys around more now, we both are stuck around town for a while so at least we have one another.
I bought tickets for saves the day, and say anything today. Im so fucking stoked for that show. My grandmother can get free comps on rooms in AC, so hopefully ill copp one out of her for me and the gentleman lover.
speaking of which, we are pretty happy. Besides fighting about petty bullshit all the time, the amount of love that goes around is ridiculous and its what honestly keeps us together..........
I went to go see coldplay on saturday night with david, his mom, and his aunt. The show by the way was fucking amazing. Chris martin is a freaking geneius when it comes to anything musical. His voice was perfeclty on tact the whole entire show. His pressence was absolutely graceful and wild and beautiful. You know that feeling you get when you hear a song or a band that reminds you of a certain time, or season, or event? Thats how the whole entire show was. it was like this euphoric state of mind for 3 hours.
They came out and did a 3 song encore after everyone wouldnt leave there seats. It was by far the best ending to this summer. It was perfect, and so were my seats ;) thank you david.
Rilo kiley played and i was nothing short of impressed.
The summer is officially over, you can even tell by the air and the smell outside. Im going to miss this summer. I had some badass grade A times. Hopefully this scholastic year will be somthing to write about.
I need money real bad, im fucking broke as shit. Im going to have to cut up my plastic murderers before they get me into some real shit. I cant pay my bills for the life of me.
maybe ill win the lottery,or my boyfriend will since he is seriously addicted.
Im spent folks. be back soono<3
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Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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things have been pretty fucking awkward lately. Ive been hanging out with so many different people, people i havent seen in millions of years. I guess its alright. Colleen went back to school :( Kristin is gone in a couple weeks for school, and me and amy are stuck here in this shitass hell hole for school. David is fucking in cancun and hasnt been home for like 10 days, im starting to suffocate without his airway. A lot of things have changed maybe for the better maybe for the worst. Friends come and go, and the ones who really matter/care stay for good no matter what circumstances.
i hate when people you think you know more than anyone turn out to be a farse. I thought i knew you, way better than this but apparently youre weaker than i ever thought you could be.
we didint change man, you did.
well anyway off to non-bitter things. School is around the corner like whoa. im kinda excited. fuck my rides here, out to breakfast yo.
ill be back to talk soon
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fuck man its been a while.
things have changed a lot since i last wrote in this journal. Ive found a lot of things that i never even knew before. The summer has been a big ball of work work work. It's made me realize a lot of things. I dont feel old, or too responsible or anyting..just i have my prioritys (sp?/) and all that junk.
things with david and i have seem to of gotten worse. Its like neither of us even care anymore. I guess its just a part of growing up and growing away from one another. weve been together a long while, maybe this could be our time? its pretty scary to think of it that way but i dont know what else to do. all we do is fight, and bicker over stupid things. We both need a lot of growing up..more so on his side at least i think so. I dont think hes at the same level as i am. I dont take things as serious as he does..and i dont think like he does and vice versa so we slit eachothers throat constantly. Im glad i have some friends around constantly to help me out with it all.
its a bummer to the max that coll moved down to forked river. Its not that far of a drive its just weird not having her int he same town 5 minutes away anymore. Im so glad she still works with me, just hope she doesnt get sick of driving to jtown constantly.
last night was flippin sweet. me coll steph frank bat josh sean stever and others went one dollar bowling on rt 33. It was ridiculously, ridonkulous. All that was left in the joint was 14 lb balls so me and the weak ones had to throw the ball down the lane with 2 hands. aka me and steph. we almost got jumped by a school of deer ont he way there but it was a great time. Ive missed hanging with old buddies. It feels good to have feel good people around.
j-man had this sweet party the other night. He told me to bring some people so i brought bat and my 2 little cousins...not little but 15ish. what a fucking mistake man. I walk in the cabanna and they are chillin with his younger brothers friends passing around a blizzy and drinking from a keg. Im like yo man wtf i didint start doing all of that until at least 16. its so weird how the generations get more and more insane as life goes on. i guess id rather them party with me then party with some scumbags and get caught ya know? it was awesome though, after i brought my cousins back we all went back and smoked this spliff in a 3 story treehouse. fucking insulated, with electricity and couches. I couldnt believe my eyes. this kids house is killer. fucking rich jew!! haha wes is so funny, im so glad were friends..this motherfucker just called me just to let me know he squished some bitch out and now hes got pussy juice all over his sheets...haha he'll never change, what a fucking character man.
but yeah, i get to see my sister today. Shes been in florida at my other house for almost 3 weeks. Its so weird not having her around. Shes my little shit monster.
i just found out about that sidewalk sale in redbank. I feel so fucking outcasted when it comes to cool stuff liek that. how come i never know anything awesome? so im going saturday 50% off everything even nirvana..its a shop day for all the poor ones.
so im waiting for dave to get here..i dont even know why we hang out..its so pointless.
hes soo hard to fall out of love with..its like no matter what happens well always go back to one another.
and its sickening.
:(
someone throw me a set of balls.
honestly. if i could just walk away from this i would..but i fucking love this foooool crazy.
motherfuckers dont know whats hoooooood.
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i feel so lost today, and yesterday..and the day before. I feel like dave was my guidence. Its corny i know, but im so cold and distant without him here. I think we are meant to be together, just not right now. Its going to take some readjustment, but thats what life is about right? Im 19, i know the whole shpeel on living life, and no regrets, and living like youll die tomorrow but i felt so happy and enlightened around him. I felt like i was living life to the fullest, and enjoying it greatly with him. I guess our fighting sort of outweighed it though. It hurts to know that we cant be together right now, even tomorrow or the day after. Im going to be strong, and im going to take this in an adult old fashioned manor. Im going to give him his space, and i know hes going to give me mine.. its going to be one hell of a ride but if were right, and meant..well both come back feeling the same. I wish he knew that i had nothing to hide, i wish he knew that i could and would never hurt him..i wish i could be trusted more. Dont ya ever just want to put youre brain onto someone elses neck just so they could know the truth..because words dont work nowadays. I hate knowing that im not trusted, when in reality i can be, and i am. I hate being thought of somthing that im not..i just wish he knew this..and i wish he felt it. im just depressed, and lonely. As much as i miss him ive got to suck it up and be the strong woman everyone thinks i am.
or am i?
i just want everything back to the good days.
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Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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so things have been pretty awkard lately. Me and david decided to stay together. which ultimately is not a bad thing at all. its just aggervating at times. I love the kid to death, more than life but sometimes we get on eachothers nerves like no other. I guess its pretty normal, but we weill just see how things go. I can really see a great future ahead of us, but its just going to be one hell of a ride until we get there....thats what relationships are about right? Holding on when it gets really tough..and then the end result will be all well worth it? IM just glad he understands me, well sort of. Im glad he can accept me fully now..at least i think. Well, ill see how it all goes down..either way ill still be in love with him.
so now onto other things, the summer is here in full effect and i love it. All ive been doing is laying out in the sun relaxing..of course working as well..but when im not working im having fun. Im glad coll is back from texas, she was missed greatly. Steph has been hiding somewhere in perkins or somthing..that little bitch has too many jobs now. Good things kris is back for good, my partner in crime is now back into my life and its never been better. I hope colleen still wants to go to boston, im really looking foward to seeing everything there. It would be so fun for us to have a nice ass road trip like that, i could just imagine the havoc we would cause. I need to get money, pay off all my italy debts and go on a mini vacation. Maybe ill just win the lotto and it will all be solved. My mom and dad won their courtcase today which is pretty sweet. They got a couple hundred thous to pay off all the medical bills in shit. My mom got into an accident when this drunk guy cut her off on the right side as she was turning and almost killed her and my sister. I hope that fucker is in debt for life. So we took all his money and hopefully hell be rotting on the street now. Anyway, i need to go back outside, i hate beeing in air conditioning..i feel disgusting because its soo nice out.
nothing else is really new, just pretty complacent right now <3
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im finally home, back in the dirty who i missed a whole lot. Italy was absolutely wonderful. The scenery, the landscaping and arcitecture was so surreal. Id put pictures on here, but i have no clue how to. I cant really describe it, youd have to go there and really experience it to understand. Im a history buff hardcore so being in st marcs square, and seeing the original david even the trevi fountain was just insane! the things ive learned about in school for almost a decade was right in front of my eyes for real. I met a lot of great people as well, who i feel like ill stay in touch with forever. Its such a culture shock being able to walk into a bar and not have to pay any cover charge, or even be 21 to drink. Even weirder, going into a cafe in the afternoon and the bar being open. The italian people are very very introverted and laid back. They want to enjoy life to the fullest and not stress ther life with too much work or too many rules. I really like it, a whole lot. Its also sort of peaceful in some ways. Just breathing in fresh air, listening to classic italian music during dinner. Its too much to comprehend. The warm heart-edness i got from locals their was crazyyyyyy i thought the would hate americans, but they love us. They think we have the life. I mean, we pretty much do but i cant appreciate anything here after going their. It was so jawsome seeing the vatican and the pantheon. I loved the colliseum like crazy. I cant wait to go back and see everything else.
The bars their are great, its like 1 euro for a shot, and 150 for a pint of peer. well in all it was amazing..wevuyvwefewf i love it.
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Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
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wish you were more like the old days. when we would have no plans but do somthing spontaneously, i wish you had more enthusiasm in things like us, me and memories. i wish youre mind wasnt tired all the time. dont you see how it looks as if youre tired of me? I mean i wouldnt know, because communication between you and i is almost nothingness. Wheres those routine calls, or check ups, or even hey i love you's just for no reason? why have they dimmed so far from my sight. Im burning away slowly from you..turning into a wastefull ash in the air. You dont even hold me, or hug me or pull me towards you anymore. You used to be my neverending gravity..the blood in my veins, my favorite drug, now its withdrawing unlike anything. i want to show you these thoughts and tell you in youre ear to youre face upfront..but i get criticizzed, and yelled at..and called crazy. im in a box, curled up..ive become costrophobic(sp?) of you. maybe even some sort of ebola that you dont want to catch. maybe im also crazy and deserved to be criticized..after all ive invented most of these symtoms in my past. i deserve what ive given to others but why from you? we had somthing unrealistic, so surreal it knocked me out of my chair. we were the untouchables, no one could beat us we laughed at all the others because they didit amount up to the sensationable david and lauren.
what has happened to yoou, whered youre excitement and happiness for life and love go? you swear its not me, and im youre everything but am i? i want to believe you so badly because you dont lie..at least to me? or do you? i dont know you anymore. i dont know this person that has overtaken youre body...i just want to see you, and hold you and hug you. i want this more than ive ever wanted anything because you and i were unlike the ordinary.
we still can be if you let me back in.
i just want you to believe again, show me everyday not just once.
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